Brand Hacker™

Global organisations, private companies, governments, politicians, celebrities, even charities f*ck up and it’s amazing how quickly we forget ~ sometimes the repercussions are truly catastrophic. This mickey taking collection pokes some fun, whilst serving as a reminder that a brand’s reputation is only matched by the intentions and integrity of the people behind it.

The collection

Airbnb™
The Airnbnb logo, or ‘Bélo’ as it’s less affectionately known, takes the form of an upside down paper clip ~ which happens to looks like a pair of t*ts and a bra.

Barclays™
What Barclays did was very complicated ~ it involved the London inter-bank offered rate (Libor) and its equivalent in Europe (Euribor), which reflect the rates that banks lend to one another overnight. Robert Peston, business editor at the BBC, explains: “Barclays has owned up to something very simple and, many would say, profoundly shocking ~ it lied about the interest rate it was having to pay to borrow.” Barclies… fluent in lying.

Biffa™
Liverpudlian cigarette ~ giz a bifta laa!

British Petroleum™
A US federal investigation into the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, the nation’s worst offshore oil disaster, concluded that a last-ditch safety device on the underwater well had multiple failures, it wasn’t tested properly, and still poses a risk for many rigs drilling today. The report uncovered faulty wiring, a dead battery and a bent pipe in the hulking device that led to 172m gallons of oil being dumped into the Gulf of Mexico. Bast*rds.

BLM™
Adidas blocked the Black Lives Matter movement from trademarking a design that featured three parallel stripes. They said in a filing that the BLM designs would create confusion with its own brand branding. Three stripes don’t matter.

Burger King™
Burger King revealed some of its burgers contained horse meat. Their supplier had also provided horse meat to Aldi, Asda, Tesco and the Co-op. Is it a beef ting fam?

The Conran Shop™
Tory donor and Conran shop owner Javad Marandi was revealed as a key figure linked to a major money laundering operation targeted by the National Crime Agency. Bank records showed he either owned or was connected to companies involved in a ‘criminal enterprise’ moving vast sums of illicit funds around the world and into the UK. Conman?

Co-op™
Paul Flowers, former non-executive chairman of the Co-operative Bank and (crystal) methodist minister, was convicted of possessing crack cocaine, methamphetamine and ketamine ~ not to mention his alleged use of rent boys.

Coutts™
MP Nigel Farage was described by Coutts (The King’s Bank), as a ‘disingenuous grifter’ who promoted ‘xenophobic, chauvinistic and racist views’. Dame Alison Rose (Group CEO) later confessed to being the source of a BBC report and admitted to a “serious error of judgement” in discussing Farage’s account with a BBC journalist. Bunch of…

Meta™
Meta was fined a record breaking €1.2bn for mishandling people’s data when transferring it between Europe and the US. It is the largest fine imposed under the EU’s GDPR privacy law. Data is more valuable than oil, and more slippery.

Greggs™
Colin Gregg, the who helped build the family bakery chain, was jailed for 13.5 years having been convicted of nine counts of indecent assault on young boys over a period of decades. The judge said: “It is true you have enjoyed great wealth, privilege and social standing. You are a sophisticated predatory paedophile.”

Extinction Rebellion™
Time’s running out ~ an extension (logo) is needed.

Facebook™
Global Science Research (GSR) harvested data from millions of Facebook users without consent. The privacy policy allowed apps to access private details about users’ friends ~ enabling GSR to gather information on 87 million users. These details were later sold to Cambridge Analytica, who used it to create targeted ads for political purposes. Schmucks.

Instagram™
Under age accounts. Violation of privacy data laws. Sexualised content of children placed on adult feeds. Allegations of election-interference. Lawsuits for ignoring the impact on teenage mental health. Hate speech. Propaganda. Extremism. Terrorism. Violence. Organised crime. Sexual services. Pornography. Firearm sales. Black market drugs. Bullying. Harassment. Abuse. Addiction. Self-harm. Shaddow-banning. Mutilation. Rape. Racism. Suicide. Murder. Death. All in a days scrolling as profits soar (2023: $49.8bn). Satan’s work?

HSBC™
HSBC admitted staff at its global subsidiaries laundered billions of dollars for drug cartels, terrorists and pariah states. It’s good to know the world’s local bank is doing valuable work in the community ~ dope.

Aldi™
Scottish for giving it some.

Lego™
Lego was accused of promoting sexism when one of its play-sets included a sticker depicting a construction worker shouting “Hey Babe!!”. Critics said it promoted catcalling and set a bad example for young boys. Get yer legover!

Microsoft™
CrowdStrike’s Falcon system, designed to prevent cyberattacks, had a faulty update that led to 8.5 million customers using Microsoft Windows caught in a boot loop. The global outage caused thousands of flights to be delayed or cancelled, it affected the NHS service, and contactless payments failed to work. Microsoft blamed the EU for the massive sh*t show.

McDonalds™
We are what we eat.
Courtesy of maentis.com

New Order™
The updated classic album.

AC/DC™
It’s an obsessive damnation.

Overfinch™
Luxury redefined.

Post Office™
The Post Office prosecuted more than more than 700 sub-postmasters for stealing because of a ‘bug’ in their Horizon computer system manufactured by Fujitsu. It’s been called the UK’s most widespread miscarriage of justice.

P&O™
800 employees received a short video message in which they were told “Your final day of employment is today”. The company knowingly broke the law when it fired its workers without any formal notice and replaced them with cheaper agency workers. P&O, short-hand for…

Supreme™
Alternative lifestyle brand that’s laughably expensive ~ we’re not stupid.

The Sun™
The 1989 Hillsborough disaster occurred at a football match where ninety-seven Liverpool fans were crushed to death due to negligence by the South Yorkshire Police. Four days after the incident, The Sun newspaper published a story with the headline ‘The Truth’ containing a number of falsehoods alleging that Liverpool supporters were responsible for the accident. Don’t buy The Sun.

VW™
US regulators discovered VW were using a software hack in nearly 500,000 diesel-powered cars to make them appear to run cleaner in emissions tests than they do in real-world conditions. VW said the software could affect over 11 million cars worldwide ~ das awful.

Wonga™
The Archbishop of Canterbury wanted competition, not legislation, to put Wonga out of business by helping credit unions with premises and expertise. Despite denying any involvement in payday lending, the Church Pension Fund invested in the venture capital firm Accel Partners which inadvertently helped raised funds for Wonga. God’s work or the devil’s doing?