Brand hacker
Organisations, companies, governments, politicians, celebrities, even charities f*ck up and it’s amazing how quickly we forget ~ sometimes the repercussions are truly catastrophic. Brand hacker™ pokes some fun whilst serving as a reminder that a brand’s reputation is only matched by the integrity and intentions of the people behind it.
Merchandise available here.
The collection
AC/DC™
Obsessive compulsive damnation.
Aldi™
Scottish for giving it some.
Barclays™
What Barclays did was very complicated ~ it involved the London inter-bank offered rate (Libor) and its equivalent in Europe (Euribor), which reflect the rates that banks lend to one another overnight. Robert Peston, business editor at the BBC, explains: “Barclays has owned up to something very simple and, many would say, profoundly shocking… it lied about the interest rate it was having to pay to borrow.” Barclies ~ fluent in lying.
Biffa™
Liverpudlian for cigarette ~ gotta bifta laa?
British Petroleum™
A US federal investigation into the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, the nation’s worst offshore oil disaster, concluded that a last-ditch safety device on the underwater well had multiple failures, it wasn’t tested properly, and still poses a risk for many rigs drilling today. The report uncovered faulty wiring, a dead battery and a bent pipe in the hulking device that led to 172m gallons of oil being dumped into the Gulf of Mexico. Bast*rds.
BLM™
Adidas blocked the Black Lives Matter movement from trademarking a design that featured three parallel stripes. They said in a filing that the BLM designs would create confusion with its own brand branding. Three stripes don’t matter Adidas!
Burger King™
Burger King revealed some of its burgers contained horse meat. Their supplier had also provided horse meat to Aldi, Asda, Tesco and the Co-op. Is it a beef ting fam?
The Conran Shop™
Tory donor and Conran shop owner Javad Marandi was revealed as a key figure linked to a major money laundering operation targeted by the National Crime Agency. Bank records showed he either owned or was connected to companies involved in a ‘criminal enterprise’ moving vast sums of illicit funds around the world and into the UK. Conman shop?
Co-op™
Paul Flowers, former non-executive chairman of the Co-operative Bank and (crystal) methodist minister, was convicted of possessing crack cocaine, methamphetamine and ketamine ~ not to mention his alleged use of rent boys.
Coutts™
The prestigious private bank for the super rich closed MP Nigel Farage’s account claiming that he failed to meet their £1m eligibility criteria. It was later revealed that it was because of his views, calling him a “disingenuous grifter” who promoted “xenophobic, chauvinistic and racist views”. Dame Alison Rose (Group CEO) confessed to being the source of a BBC report and admitted to a “serious error of judgement” in discussing the account with a BBC journalist.
Extinction Rebellion™
Time’s running out ~ we need an extension.
Facebook™
Facebook’s privacy policy allowed third parties to access user’s private and personal information. This enable data from 87 million accounts to be harvested by British consulting firm Cambridge Analytica for political advertising purposes without consent. Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg apologised for the scandal. The company was fined a record breaking $5bn by the US Federal Trade Commission, and a further £500k by the UK Information Commissioner’s Office for exposing the data of its users to a ‘serious risk of harm’. Schmuckerberg.
Greggs™
Colin Gregg, who helped build the UK family bakery chain, was jailed for 13.5 years having been convicted of nine counts of indecent assault on young boys over a period of decades. The judge said: “It is true you have enjoyed great wealth, privilege and social standing. You are a sophisticated predatory paedophile.”
HSBC™
HSBC admitted staff at its global subsidiaries laundered billions of dollars for drug cartels, terrorists and pariah states. It’s good to know the world’s local bank is doing valuable work in the community ~ dope.
Instagram™
Under age accounts. Violation of privacy data laws. Sexualised content of children placed on adult feeds. Allegations of election interference. Lawsuits for ignoring the impact on teenage mental health. Hate speech. Propaganda. Extremism. Terrorism. Violence. Organised crime. Sexual services. Pornography. Firearm sales. Black market drugs. Bullying. Harassment. Abuse. Addiction. Self-harm. Shadow-banning. Mutilation. Rape. Racism. Suicide. Murder. Death. All in a days scrolling as advertising profits soar (2024: $71bn).
Lego™
Lego was accused of promoting sexism when one of its play-sets included a sticker depicting a construction worker shouting ‘Hey Babe!!’. Critics said it promoted catcalling and set a bad example for young boys. Get yer Legover!
McDonalds™
We are what we eat.
Courtesy of maentis.com
Meta™
Meta was fined a record breaking €1.2bn for mishandling people’s data when transferring it between Europe and the US. It is the largest fine imposed under the EU’s GDPR privacy law. Data is more valuable than oil, and more slippery in Meta’s hands.
New Order™
Updated classic album.
Overfinch™
Luxury redefined.
Post Office™
The Post Office prosecuted more than more than 700 sub-postmasters for stealing because of a ‘bug’ in their Horizon computer system manufactured by Fujitsu. It’s been called the UK’s most widespread miscarriage of justice.
Purdue Pharma™
Purdue Pharma manufactured pain medicines such as fentanyl and OxyContin which produces a euphoric effect similar to that associated with heroin use. The Sackler family (owners of Purdue) developed aggressive marketing tactics persuading doctors to prescribe OxyContin. As sales of their drugs soared, so did the number of people dying from overdoses. From 1999 to 2020, nearly 841,000 people died from overdoses in the US, with prescription and illicit opioids responsible for 500,000 of those deaths. The Sacklers have been described as ‘the worst drug dealers in history’ ~ no members of the family have been arrested for the deaths caused by their opioids.
P&O™
800 employees received a short video message in which they were told “Your final day of employment is today”. The company knowingly broke the law when it fired its workers without any formal notice and replaced them with cheaper agency workers. P&O, short-hand for…
Supreme™
Laughably expensive clobber.
Tesla™
Heil.
VW™
US regulators discovered VW were using a software hack in nearly 500,000 diesel-powered cars to make them appear to run cleaner in emissions tests than they do in real-world conditions. VW said the software could affect over 11 million cars worldwide ~ das awful.
The White House™
A masterclass in how to conduct diplomatic relations.
Wonga™
The Archbishop of Canterbury wanted competition, not legislation, to put the payday lending firm Wonga out of business by helping credit unions with premises and expertise. Despite denying any involvement, the Church Pension Fund invested in the venture capital firm Accel Partners which inadvertently helped raised funds for Wonga. God’s work or the devil’s doing?
