Brand
Hacker™
Organisations, governments, politicians, celebrities, even charities f*ck up — and it’s amazing how quickly we forget. Sometimes the repercussions are truly catastrophic. This collection pokes fun while serving as a serious reminder: a brand’s reputation is only as strong as the integrity and actions of the people behind it.
FIFA™
President Trump was awarded the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize in December 2025 — weeks before the US launched a military intervention in Venezuela and, a few months later, joined Israeli air strikes on Iran. That stinks. USA striker Folarin Balogun avoided a World Cup ban after Trump admitted he personally called FIFA president Gianni Infantino to ask for the red card to be reviewed. That stinks too. Then came the “FIFA Forward Enterprise,” a plan to sell stakes in the World Cup to private investors — including a firm run by Joshua Kushner, brother of Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner. It all stinks if you ask us.
Abercrombie & Fitch™
Multiple harassment cases. Race and sex discrimination lawsuits. Sexualised advertising campaigns. Proudly exclusionary — refusing to make women’s XL or XXL sizes for years. And former CEO Mike Jeffries arrested and charged with allegedly running an international sex trafficking and prostitution business while at the helm. What a total sh*t show.
AC/DC™
Obsessive compulsive rock ‘n’ roll.
Aldi™
Scottish for giving it some.
Barclays™
Barclays manipulated Libor and Euribor — the rates that reflect what banks charge each other for loans. BBC business editor Robert Peston explained it simply: “Barclays has owned up to something very simple and, many would say, profoundly shocking… it lied about the interest rate it was having to pay to borrow.” Barclies — fluent in lying.
Biffa™
Liverpudlian for cigarette — gotta bifta la?
Boots™
Should’ve gone to Specsavers.
Bored of Trump™
We are.
British Petroleum™
A US federal investigation into the Deepwater Horizon oil spill — the worst offshore oil disaster in the nation’s history — found that a last-ditch safety device on the underwater well suffered multiple failures, was never properly tested, and still poses a risk to many rigs drilling today. The report uncovered faulty wiring, a dead battery, and a bent pipe inside the massive device, failures that led to 172 million gallons of oil being dumped into the Gulf of Mexico. Bast*rds.
BLM™
Adidas moved to block the Black Lives Matter movement from trademarking a design featuring three parallel stripes, arguing in a filing that it would create confusion with its own branding. Three stripes don’t matter, black lives do. Tossers.
Burger King™
Burger King’s beef supplier, Silvercrest, was found to have produced burgers containing horse meat — the same supplier used by Aldi, Asda, Tesco, and the Co-op. Although no horse DNA was found in Burger King’s own products, the chain dropped the supplier as a precaution. Is this a beef ting fam?
The Conran Shop™
Tory donor and Conran Shop owner Javad Marandi was named as a key figure linked to a major money-laundering investigation by the National Crime Agency, after a lengthy legal battle to keep his identity anonymous. Bank records showed he either owned or was connected to companies involved in a ‘criminal enterprise’ moving vast sums of illicit funds around the world and into the UK. No criminal charges have been brought against Marandi, who strongly denies any wrongdoing.
Co-op™
Paul Flowers, former non-executive chairman of the Co-operative Bank and (crystal) methodist minister, was convicted of possessing crack cocaine, methamphetamine, and ketamine — not to mention his alleged use of male escorts.
Coutts™
The prestigious private bank for the super-rich closed Nigel Farage’s account, claiming he failed to meet their £1 million eligibility threshold. It later emerged the real reason was his political views — internal documents branded him a “disingenuous grifter” who promoted “xenophobic, chauvinistic and racist” views. NatWest Group CEO Dame Alison Rose admitted to being the source of a BBC report on the closure, and later confessed to a “serious error of judgement” in discussing Farage’s account details with a BBC journalist. All a bunch of…
Extinction Rebellion™
Time’s running out — we need an extension.
Facebook™
Facebook’s lax privacy policies allowed third parties to access users’ private and personal information without proper safeguards. This enabled data from 87 million accounts to be harvested by British consulting firm Cambridge Analytica for political advertising purposes, without users’ consent. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg apologised for the scandal. The company was fined a record-breaking $5 billion by the US Federal Trade Commission, and a further £500,000 by the UK Information Commissioner’s Office for exposing users’ data to a “serious risk of harm.” Schmuckerberg.
Greggs™
Colin Gregg, who helped build the UK family bakery chain, was jailed for 13.5 years after being convicted of nine counts of indecent assault against young boys over a period of decades. The judge told him: “It is true you have enjoyed great wealth, privilege and social standing. You are a sophisticated predatory paedophile.”
Harrods™
More than 400 alleged victims or witnesses have come forward to lawyers with allegations of sexual misconduct against former Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed. One lawyer representing the Justice for Harrods Survivors group described it as one of the worst cases of corporate abuse of women the world has seen.
HSBC™
HSBC admitted that staff at its global subsidiaries had laundered billions of dollars for drug cartels, terrorists, and pariah states. Good to know ‘the world’s local bank’ is doing such valuable work in the community — dope.
Instagram™
Under age accounts. Violation of privacy data laws. Sexualised content of children placed on adult feeds. Allegations of election interference. Lawsuits for ignoring the impact on teenage mental health. Hate speech. Propaganda. Extremism. Terrorism. Violence. Organised crime. Sexual services. Pornography. Firearm sales. Black market drugs. Bullying. Harassment. Abuse. Addiction. Self-harm. Shadow-banning. Mutilation. Rape. Racism. Suicide. Murder. Death. All in a days doom scrolling.
Lego™
Lego faced accusations of promoting sexism after one of its play-sets included a sticker depicting a construction worker shouting “Hey Babe!!” at a passerby. Critics said the sticker normalized catcalling and set a poor example for young boys.
McDonalds™
We are what we eat.
Courtesy of maentis.com
Meta™
Meta was fined a record-breaking €1.2 billion for mishandling user data transfers between Europe and the US, breaching the EU’s GDPR privacy law. It remains the largest fine ever imposed under GDPR. Data may be the new oil — but in Meta’s hands, it’s proven slippery.
New Order™
Updated classic album.
OpenAI™
Artificial intelligence that benefits all of humanity — what a load of old slop.
Overfinch™
Driven by overpaid w*nkers.
Post Office™
The UK Post Office scandal is a major miscarriage of justice in which over 900 sub-postmasters were wrongly prosecuted for theft and fraud due to faulty Horizon accounting software, developed by Fujitsu. The Post Office ignored known bugs in the system, forcing innocent staff to repay fake shortfalls — leading to bankruptcies, ruined lives, and, in some cases, suicide. The organisation and its legal advisers have been accused of acting too adversarially, often fighting claims rather than settling them fairly, and failing to disclose crucial evidence in court. Total c*nts.
Purdue Pharma™
Purdue Pharma manufactured the prescription painkiller OxyContin, an opioid that produces a euphoric effect similar to heroin. The Sackler family, who owned Purdue, pursued aggressive marketing tactics to persuade doctors to prescribe it widely. As sales soared, so did the number of overdose deaths. From 1999 to 2020, nearly 841,000 people died from drug overdoses in the US, with prescription and illicit opioids responsible for around 500,000 of those deaths. The Sacklers have been described as “the worst drug dealers in history” — yet no member of the family has faced criminal charges for the deaths linked to their opioids.
Sky™
The broadcaster has a long history of anti-competitive practices, including misleading free-trial sign-ups that led to ASA bans for using “dark pattern” tactics designed to trick consumers into unintentionally spending money, and significant fines (£280m–£320m) for mishandling advertising revenues. Sly f*ckers, if you ask us.
The Sun™
On April 15, 1989, a human crush at the Hillsborough Stadium in Sheffield, England, killed 97 people and injured 766 others. The disaster was caused by gross negligence on the part of the South Yorkshire Police and emergency services. Four days later, The Sun published false claims blaming Liverpool fans for the tragedy, drawing widespread condemnation and sparking a boycott of the newspaper that continues in Liverpool to this day. Don’t buy The Sun — scum.
Supreme™
Laughably expensive clobber.
VW™
US regulators discovered that Volkswagen had installed software in nearly 500,000 diesel cars designed to cheat emissions tests — making the vehicles appear far cleaner than they actually were on the road. VW later admitted the software could be present in over 11 million cars worldwide. Das awful.
The White House™
The art of the deal diplomatic sh*t show.
Tesla™
All heil.
